After saying goodbye to Mom in the hospital Thursday and eulogizing her on Saturday, I board a plane back to LA on Sunday. As I make my way onto the plane, ‘baby jewelry to be worn by grandchildren’ causes my knees to buckle with the realization that, if I have them, she will never meet my children.

My work-study job at USC gives me the distraction I need to take my mind off Mom’s condition. It is a coveted position. If I show those in charge that I know what I’m doing and have a great attitude, I will be promoted to host alumni tours that happen on an almost daily basis.

When the demons get too close, I find the glossy white See’s box that glimmers distinctly in my trunk, among my high school trophies, clippings, and other memories. There she is, Mary See, prominently displayed on a 5-pound box. This one would have held “Nuts & Chews,” Grandpa Mike’s favorites that we gifted him every Christmas and then proceeded to plow through without a care to our waistlines or teeth. As I pull the box out, I can still smell and taste the chocolate on my tongue.