Whatever I am doing, wherever I am, I am thinking: Where is he, where is he? He can’t just have vanished. He must be someplace. All I have to do is find him. Maggie O’Farrell
Inspired by Miss you. Would like to take a walk with you. by Gabrielle Cavocoressi
Gone child. Ghost child. My beloved boy.
Talk to me. Tell me where the dead go.
Visit me. Break bread with me. I’ll make you what you love.
Crab cakes & chocolate chip cookies. I’ll even let you lick the spoon.
Toddler or teenager, return back to me. Thick dark hair or chemo bald.
Your Andean red hat still here to keep your soft, smooth head warm.
Brave boy. Wild boy.
Arms flung wide to the world.
Rich life. Full life. Far too short life.
So much left to do.
So many questions. The ones I forgot to ask, failed to ask.
Your great beyond now. Details I crave to know.
Older now. Grayer now. More storylines written on my face.
Do you know I have never stopped telling yours?
Frost moon. Mourning moon. Waxing white and bright.
Bone dry. Brittle cold. Ever darkening days.
Night life. Animal life.
Buster the wonder dog, waiting here for you.
Deer staring back from night nests in the tall, dry grass,
eyes shining like flashlights in the dark.
Bats in the bushes. Coyotes in the distance.
“Our” skunk wandering by like a drunkard on the way home.
Star light. Star bright. I wish I may. I wish I might.
Please come home to me tonight.
Kind boy. Sweet boy. Can you see me still?
Holding my tongue, swallowing my snark, trying to be more like you.
Bound boy. Free boy.
Still tethered to me boy. I stifled my need for you to stay.
Air shifting the night you died.
Molecules parting, making way for you your soul to rise.
Told you it was okay to abandon your battered body,
but it was never okay for you to go.
A rainbow of Nike shoes still in your room, awaiting your return.
Cardinal red Stanford zip hoodie in mine. I’ll give it back if you come home.
Left behind in this world, I am reaching for the next.
Longing to leave, yet half afraid to go.
Talk to me. Confide in me. One more secret,
one more Snapple fact, one more goal.
Miss you. Love you.
Give me one more hug.
Speak to me. Show me. Drop into my dreams.
Everything awaits you. Won’t you please come home?