How is it possible that five years have passed since I held you in my arms as your heart sounded its final beat? How is it possible that my heart has continued to beat the last 1,825 days? Time feels so different since you died. Yes, years come and go and can be counted, but time feels oddly stationary. As if it’s incomprehensible that life could continue on without you.
My daughter calls to offer me some
sweet words of support. I tell her the days are okay but nights
I wake in fear …
Grieving people won’t say anything for two reasons. They don’t know. They really can’t think about it. They’re spending a good amount of time reminding themselves to breathe. Or secondly, we have built this super hero culture of not needing any help.
Today is my Dad’s birthday. He was my best friend and helped me raise my two boys, Brandon and Blaine, from the time they were barely walking. Sadly, he passed away in 2010, and while I miss him terribly, I’m truly thankful that he was not here for our loss of Brandon in 2016. He would have been just shattered and broken over it.